Fitting In

When I first drove into our apartment complex, what caught my attention was the play area in front. Furnished with swings, a merry-go-round, slide, and seesaw, I knew it was going to be Adiv's favorite spot. So, from day one I began taking him downstairs, to socialize and eventually form friendships.

It wasn't easy in the beginning. He was wary, and the children appeared too noisy. He was happy just playing spectator. In time he began flashing smiles at anyone who would look in his direction. Eventually he wanted to sit on the swing and merry-go-round just like the older children. I'd put him on the swing and push it gently while holding him firmly with my hand. He'd put his head up and smile with half closed eyes, enjoying the breeze that hit his face.

These evenings in the play area grew longer with time, and soon Adiv was on the merry-go-round and the slide, and I got some much needed exercise in the process. Going in circles while holding him upright on the merry-go-round, and then sliding him up and down on the slippery slide, wasn't so much fun for my back. However, he was having fun and I was having some much needed adult conversations with the women.

Getting initiated into the play area was no different from being accepted in college or the workplace. We'd begin with smiles and introductions, but after that you had to fit in. People chose different ways to do that. Some resorted to memorizing the names of those children who'd been there longer, just so they could call out to them and eventually befriend their mothers. If you spoke the same language and had similar tales to share, it became easier. Also, as with any group, this one had the dominant mothers and the submissive mothers. The loud mouthed leaders walked around asking the rest questions about what they were feeding their children, and why they'd chosen the names they'd chosen for their kids.

"You call her G? What an old fashioned name. Ha Ha. My son is called R (a name popularized by Shahrukh Khan on celluloid)."

From a safe distance, I watched for a week, mimicing the bullies each evening for Ro's amusement. Then one day I began to steer in. I knew that if I was friendly enough I'd have someone to turn to if i needed help. So I began making my own attempts. I smiled, asked questions about their lives and kids, and let Adiv do the rest. He smiled, cooed, and charmed them, forcing a friendship between us. Yes, if they liked him, I decided I could like them. Before I knew it, I was part of a smaller group that was made of mothers of babies. We had a lot more in common than I had imagined. Oblivious to the seniors who ruled the play area, we walked around with our infants, put them on the swings and slides, and had fun. And when it was time for the fathers to return, we'd walk back to our flats.

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I've been here two months, and i've now begun looking forward to these outings. Apart from the fact that Adiv enjoys these outings, I've come to realize that you can be friends with all kinds of people; even those who don't speak the same language.